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A Shit Year - 2020


I would definitely say I am still a “work in progress” for all of my goals, personally and professionally. I will be for a long time.  But as I got closer to 40, I started to notice a trend in my attitude towards life.  An attitude that at first, I thought might be kinda shitty of me, but as I have moved forward have adopted it as my new mantra: “I am getting too old for this shit.”

Looking back on my 20s and 30s I had lots of amazing friends, but I also had a lot of “what the fuck was I thinking!?”  moments.

As a person who likes to fix things, including people, I have taken on lots of projects.  I tend to see the potential in people but as I learned the hard way, again and again, you can’t be with people, on any level, just for the potential.  Not only is it unfair to them (since they shouldn’t be hanging around someone who is waiting for them to change) but ultimately, I was just prolonging them from changing themselves.  The only way true change is made.

But here is the truth.  I chose those friendships.  Built them up to what they were.  Continued to stay in them LONG past I should, victimizing myself on how I never felt heard, appreciated, or supported.

I am me and don’t get me wrong, I am pretty flawed.  But I want to be in friendships that feel good.  Where I feel heard, supported and they are in it to win it as much as I am.

Isn’t that kinda the point?